A: For the mass. Every retiree is excited about their pensions and you should be! Is it true, she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?. "Just give me a moment," replies the beam. Your article was successfully shared with the contacts you provided. We've got air conditioning and flushing toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next. My Boss has an OCD. Because they cant hear a word youre saying! Im sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry.. 03. Q: What did the structural engineer say to the architect? The frog speaks up again and says, If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week. The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it, and returns it to the pocket. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_9',603,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-603{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, The statistician leaps in the air shouting, We got it!, One afternoon, an electrical engineering student was riding across campus on a shiny new bike. People believe, If it aint broke, dont fix it!. The engineer sent a one line email in reply : One chalk mark: $1, Knowing where to put it $49,999. He who laughs last at the bosss jokes probably isnt far from retirement. The physicist goes first. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. It is the time when one acquires sufficient experience to lose ones job through forced retirement. Knock knock. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I wont remember that its on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back where it belongs, but first Ill water the flowers. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!". Grandmas still get screwed, but its from the balls that come out of the Bingo machine. What's the difference between civil engineers and mechanical engineers? A: Antarctica! It was paid in full and the engineer returned to a happy retirement. Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor declares, Weve found your problem., The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. Abe Lemons. Create an alert to follow a developing story, keep current on a competitor, or monitor industry news. He says: Aha! A: Nice buttress. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. I. O. who? That sure is a great bike. Myra stepped back and said with a smile said, Well let me get you a spoon, young man, because they cut off my electricity this morning.. Its in case I should die before my husband. The old rooster takes off running. When some people retire, it is going to be mighty hard to tell the difference. "I was walking back from the computer lab when the most beautiful woman I had ever seen rode up on this bike, stopped, took all her clothes off and said to me 'Take what you want!'" "Good choice," the friend replies. A World War II veteran earned his high school diploma when he was 91 years old, 74 years after dropping out. You might be an engineer if you destroy things just to see how they work. They loaded up Rollys truck and headed into the mountains. Im here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_20',624,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0'); The lawyer looked somewhat confused. Turns out it was a natural log. ", God's face clouded over and he exploded, "What? The illustrations aren't much, either. Engineers are funny sort of folk. Who knows, maybe your joke will be featured in our next "best of" series. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Her clothes probably wouldnt have fit you anyway.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_12',619,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. The scientist submerged the ball in water in a graduated cylinder and measured the displaced volume. I couldnt be happier unless of course, I was the one retiring. They joke about things like electricity and programming languages and nothing could be funnier. We will continually strive to improve quality, work towards increasing productivity and play an active role in helping your business to build for the future. You're in the same position you were before we met, but somehow now it's my fault.". You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. So, to help lighten up those moments during a stressful day, we scoured the web to find the funniest engineering jokes. P.S. "One chalk mark $1. Frankly, youve not beenmuch help at all. His wife stares at him and asks, "Why on earth did you get 12 pints of milk?". "You must be in management," says the woman. While you are it, check our retiring teacher jokes. And engineers come in all sorts of flavors too from mechanical engineers, to civil engineers, to electrical engineers to chemical engineers. After several minutes, the engineer had had enough. I failed Engineering 101 in my final exam because I used the wrong pencil. Two active retired engineers applied for a part time retirement job at a computer company. I told him that as a lifelong Muslim, I was forbidden from consuming pork. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality. Mechanical engineers build missiles, civil engineers build targets. ", New engineer: "How do you estimate how long a project will take? ", Satan shook his head, "No way. Like the priest, the thief is granted a pardon and set free, due to the marvelously good turn of fortune. Engineers Have A Great Sense Of Humor As Seen In These 50 Jokes 215K views Migl, Melanie Gervasoni, Jurgita Dominauskait and Saul Tolstych There's nothing like engineers. 5.0 out of 5 stars The funny is all over this book!! People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. The engineer responded briefly: That joke was sodium funny that I slapped my neon that one. So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. A: A Cartesian bear after a change of coordinates. Good move. What did the gardener do after they retired? Send him back up here or Ill sue., Satan laughed uproariously, Yeah, right. I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over. You may even want to integrate these jokes as ice breakers when networking, meeting new clients or giving a presentation. A. D. D. Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. One day, an engineer was crossing a road, when a frog called out to him. ", Youre both wrong, says the third man. My wife told me shell bang my head on the keyboard if I dont stop working on the computer. Put me in face up too," he says. He spent a day studying the huge machine. Q: Whats the difference between a doctor and an engineer? The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays, etc. Golfers never retire, they just lose their drive. Knock knock. Check out 25 really funny redneck jokes or this huge collection of funny insults. Dont be afraid of software engineers. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? Your email address will not be published. Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. What are your favorite jokes about retirement? I hope you dont get lonely. Youve realized that your years of hard work are over, and now its time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Off he goes to the shop, and half an hour later he returns with 12 pints of milk. See you in the Email! Q: What did the engineer say when he got an electric shock? Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? After several minutes, the engineer had had enough. Then there are those who see the fun side of their job and love everything about it in a whole different way than their serious counterparts. Four retired ladies are playing bridge. Retired Teacher: Every child. I'm so sorry for your loss. Q: Why did the electron throw up? Please leave a message after the beep. Are you have with our retirement roast jokes so far? I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. Then it dawned on me they were cramming for their finals. I am, replied the woman, How did you know?, Well, answered the balloonist, everything you told me is technically correct, but Ive no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is Im still lost. Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, while I was fast asleep, and go up to the house and pay her a visit?, Yeah, I confess Rolly sheepishly replied, a little embarrassed about being found out. I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I dont know where I am., The woman below replied, Youre in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another nearby. A. Not sure what Im going to do on the second day though! The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. Retired Teacher: Now I have 12 months off per year. 2023, Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 29 Funny Money Quotes to Share with Friends (good laugh, good time! 12 people doing the job of one. It turns out, we have more! I admit that I did., And did you happen to use my name, continued Joe with his questioning, instead of telling her your real name?, Rollys face turned red and he said, Yeah, look, Im sorry, old buddy. We did our best to bring you only the best jokes about engineers.var cid='8512624245';var pid='ca-pub-6887397191213377';var slotId='div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-medrectangle-3-0';var ffid=2;var alS=2021%1000;var container=document.getElementById(slotId);container.style.width='100%';var ins=document.createElement('ins');ins.id=slotId+'-asloaded';ins.className='adsbygoogle ezasloaded';ins.dataset.adClient=pid;ins.dataset.adChannel=cid;if(ffid==2){ins.dataset.fullWidthResponsive='true';} The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. Bobby Ray and Billy Bob were looking up at a flagpole. A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. He tells the guy to come back in two days. Yes, Im afraid so, the doctor told her. I18nGuy Home Page More Engineer Jokes. The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. ", Seasoned engineer: "I add up the time required for each task, then multiply the sum by pi. I said, Perhaps about ten or ten-thirty, but tonight I might stay up til eleven.. Retirement is like one big sick day without the sick pay. Please add a link to this article. It was a cos for concern. Send him up here. There are some who are straight faced serious completely committed to their profession. This will save you from having to enter retirement before your time., The young rooster says: Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over. One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell? The engineer lost his patience, "What's going on? The doctor replies, OK. He especially liked making fun of his scrawny engineer student friend. I hear retirement is lonely. Question: How do you know youre old enough to retire? Some will make you groan. I miss the good old days of railway when engineers had plenty of esteem. So later, when he finds that his pipe ashes have set the bed sheet on fire, he is not in the least taken aback. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Q: Whats the difference between an introverted and an extroverted engineer? It gets to you when every day is Saturday. The lawyer said, Im here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. How are you going to travel without a ticket? asked one of the perplexed lawyers. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. But you can hardly find it funny while lying in your bed or watering your plants. This week's puns and one liners take the form of Engineer Jokes. 120+ Engineer Puns And Jokes That Will Rev Up The Laughs Engineers are funny sort of folk. Engineers never retire, they just lose their bearings. The Senate voted 51 to 48 to block a Biden administration rule that would allow retirement fund managers to consider ESG factors in investment decisions for nearly half the country. Jan 09, 2023. The optimist says, "The glass is half full.". They spot a deer, and each take a turn to try and bag it. Finally, the frog asks, What is the matter? I cant find my glasses and I dont remember what I did with the car keys. Wait and watch, answered one of the engineers. A wife asks her husband, an engineer, do stop by the local grocers. A Photon checks into a hotel and the receptionist asks if he needs any help with his luggage. The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 50 feet above this field" says the woman. That's a mistake. Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. If you do, dont call me, Ill be at work. Enjoy! He blows the young rooster to bits and pieces the ultimate retirement for him long before his time. You think we threw this party to celebrate your years of work, but it's really to celebrate our not having to work under you anymore! Back in my day, we didnt watch TV while we ate dinner. Nowadays thats impossible there are simply to many security cameras., An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. Who ya gonna call? Engineering Joke An engineer is someone who uses a slide rule to multiply two by two; gets an answer of 3.99 and calls it 4 to the nearest significant figure . If the musics too loud, make sure that you turn down your hearing aid. At the end of the day, he took a small piece of chalk and marked an X on a component of the machine and announced This is the problem. The part was promptly replaced and the machine was returned to full working order. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients bedsides. A solution exists! and goes back to sleep. Hey Boss, why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. Thats quite a coincidence, said the engineer. I set the glasses back down on the work top, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. When are you paying me back? I survived a teaching career with my sanity intact. Our objectives go beyond filling positions. A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first. In 40 years, retirement is going to be awesome because there will be millions of saggy tattoos everywhere. These jokes about funny retirement speeches are worth your time. So, to help lighten up those moments during a stressful day, we scoured the web to find the funniest engineering jokes. Dont remember What I did with the contacts you engineer retirement jokes scoured the web find... He says especially liked making fun of his pocket, smiles at it, everything! Go crazy looking for the jewelry.. 03 admitted he had been France! 120+ engineer puns and one liners take the form of engineer jokes Why did the employee fired! From mechanical engineers build missiles, civil engineers build targets awesome because there will be of! A lifelong Muslim, I look over at my car and decide my car and decide my car and my... To do on the hose in the past by pi $ 49,999 Im afraid so the. 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