All this alone is traumatic and scary and enough to create any of the symptoms you are talking about, without it having gone further. But we are very concerned about the self harm, nightmares, and anxiety. This is very characteristic of people who have been sexually abused. I also remember being curious of boy private parts and would constantly try to touch them or hit them. No one in special. Hi Anonymous, its a topic that deserves more attention. Sexual curiosity amongst children is not classified as abuse unless one child very purposely assaults the other. This topic is indeed something we are asked about often. Feelings of shame are normal, but you didnt do anything wrong here so dont let that stop you from seeking help.Its best you talk this over properly with someone over take advice on it over the internet, this is a delicate matter. There is a lot going on here. i should not tell our parents but I cannot remember what it was that I should not tell. Could you talk to a school counsellor? Find her on Instagram @am_darcy. I buried my suspicions a long time ago but they are surfacing again beyond my control. My dad then laid next to me and slid his hands down my my pants. I wanted to cry and scream help but no one was in the house. Also really intense attention seeking behaviour which has ended many a friendship. I remember that at a very young age I learned how to masturbate. The most important thing of all when finding a therapist is that you feel that you can grow to trust them and can be comfortable around them. Dont be afraid to call a helpline. That same giddy/anxious/horrible feeling again. Thats a short version of my story. Notice how all your thoughts are about a past that may or may not have happened and a future that may or may not happen. Hi there Mona, legally here in the UK this would be classified as child molestation and is the kind of behaviour adults are charged for, if not jailed. By sexually explicit comments, we mean repeated unwanted comments about the way in which your body looks, be it in private or in front of other people. Even if we love someone, sex should always be an option, we should always have a choice. Abuse is a very sad, tragic thing that happens to far to many of us. There is nothing about the reality of where you are in the present moment. The video made me feel really weird and I cant sleep because I keep thinking someone is looking over me. My first proper bf at 21 raped me the day I came out of hospital after having abortion he told me to get. Hi there Matt. But I couldnt ever. And if you talk to someone on a help line or to a counsellor they wont at all find any of it weird. constant low grade illnesses like cold and flu, feeling oddly dirty or itchy all the time. Even in my numbed, more normal states, I dont function very well. Years later, I am sure the taste was the same as that of male ejaculation at the time I was, or at least thought I was, still a virgin and had no idea what the taste was, but the dream left me with mixed feelings as there was a kind of excitement at the sexual experience but it was like this sexual experience that I was having (in my dream) turned out an awful nightmare and very unpleasant. So, naturally I thought it was okay because my mom wasnt helping or making it stop completely. What wed say here is that it is obvious that you are struggling with very real issues. But, it doesn't have to be abusive for it to be a toxic relationship. Including that your parent figure is leaving you feel unseen, unheard, unloved and unsafe. Our brains are designed to survive, not destruct, so if we end up with a desire to be hurt their is room to debate we have a negative coping mechanism that might arise from an experience our brain felt was traumatic. I think I remember showing this boy my dads porn collection, I suppose I wanted to impress him and it was the most grown up thing I had access to. Wed suggest that you seek support over this with a counsellor or therapist or even local support group. And the best thing you can do is to take these symptoms seriously, and look at reaching out for support. Wed suggest you also consider the type of therapy they offer. If you do suspect you were sexually abused as a child, you might find yourself suddenly experiencing overwhelming waves of anger and fury. to this day I do not know why or what it was about me that made children want to make fun of me and bully me. Ive always blamed this on tween angst. Still, being physically close with my parents, or any adults really, can make me uncomfortable. When I was a kid (less than 9 or 8 yrs old) Id make my barbies have sex, but only oral sex. Thats the only sexual thing that I can remember that made me uncomfortable though, and I dont even think it counts as abuse. I remember asking a boy I used to play out with to hit my bare bottom with a cricket bat. Is Your Cat A Psychopath? She was depressed and absent so I suffered neglect, living with my grandfather and her. Ive been living with the guilt and shame and fear all this time. She stated our neighbors had expressed concern at one point I told her no. So believe it or not, its normal to feel stress and anxiety some of the time, or to worry a lot about whether there is something wrong with you (its also the time of life we figure out who we really are, which can involve a lot of questioning). Do you feel you have to have sex? I remember a dream I had when I was either in high school or already left school definitely still living at home or at least I think it was a dream, where I had some sort of sexual experience and I was left with a very vivid taste in my mouth which I woke up with, so much so that I had to go wash my mouth and I felt naucious. There is absolutely nothing wrong or strange with being terrified of sex and not wanting to have it or not having had it at 21. And yes of course its ok to keep living and to be happy sometimes. Surely a rapist wouldnt want you to talk about it with people of power. In august he went to jail on other chargers and was able to move out to a safe place. 1. I do have symptoms when having sex Ill do it not wanting to, or let someone do things and Im thinking to say NO but it never comes out if theyve already started to touch me. Im sixteen and while I cant bring up any memories of sexual assault happening to me, there are some people in my life that I used to meet more frequently when I was younger (practically not at all now, as we moved to another country) who have given me an uncomfortable feeling whenever I was near them. Its better to first seek support to help you process what you are dealing with, and then make big decisions from a stable and secure place. My ex partner was very much narcissistic and I have been trying to unravel my past as I believe I could have been abused as a child. They are very common among abuse sufferers. Wed suggest that you call Childline (assuming you are in the UK) its a free hotline for children where there are lovely people happy to help you when you need it. Being a teenager is also hard, your brain is growing and your hormones are changing. Also, note that if you dont want to talk about sex, then you dont have to. But it did bother me a bit when I think about it. I might be open to a different treatment, but every time Ive tried Ive been told CBT/DBT are the only treatments available to me and that if I dont want to do CBT then I dont really want help at all. Are you from a Christian family that taught you shame about your body? Childhood trauma can be detrimental to the psychological, physical & emotional health of an individual. Specifically one that is not biased for any reason, including working in sexual abuse. Read through the symptoms and I have a majority of them, but they also seem broad strokes enough to be applicable for any other reason. https://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Psychological-therapies-(IAPT)/LocationSearch/10008. We wish your courage! Was I Sexually Assaulted Quiz - ProProfs Quiz Hi Cody, sounds tough. Hi Isla, thats hard that you dont feel there is anyone to talk to. And unfortunately the answer is no, there is no way to know for sure. But Im starting to realize that I have an intense sexual drive. So if you are reading this, I appreciate it and apologize if it is disgusting or disturbing. Exact definitions of sexual abuse and sexual assault are related to the law, they have changed over time, and change by country. Basically, its bad parenting to shame and belittle a child for masturbating, but your mother probably was projecting her own issues or religious guilt around sex onto you. Now as a young adult (18) I realize that I have some issues, but because of my memory I cant tell if its sexual abuse related. Wed suggest you read our article on what types of therapy do and dont work for trauma http://bit.ly/therapyfortrauma Best, HT. If you arent already getting psychological support at the moment, we would advise it, as it sounds like your overthinking is causing you extreme anxiety and making your life hard. Please help me to understand. I am more confused than Ive ever been. How do I overcome this? There are other pieces of the puzzle, but it all definitely points to abuse. Its great to hear you are trying medication, are you also being supported? I was in 6th grade, and there was this boy, who liked me. That continued for years. Wed also say that if it ever gets too much, there are free hotlines you can call, some geared just to teens, with trained listeners on the other end (the Good Samaritans, for example, works in both the UK and the USA). This isnt about memory, since I remember everything very clearly, but is what my friend said true? Unless a time machine is built its important to focus on healing symptoms instead. So dont be hard on yourself about that. Quiz: Should I Stay in an Abusive Marriage? So I know something terrible happened just dont know what and its making life difficult not knowing. It is estimated that one in three girls and one in six boys are sexually abused before turning 18. You cant make anyone seek therapy. Although I can contribute those issues to other factors, the things that seem to me like the biggest evidence are other things I am absolutely terrified of having anyone apart from a partner looking at my genitals (doctors, aestheticians etc) to the point where I cry and have a panic attack even just thinking about it happening. We are sorry to hear you are feeling so anxious. My mom had a lot of boyfriends over apparently as a kid, and she said I told her I didnt like having them over anymore. But later never came. Unless someone designs a time machine we cant know what did and didnt happen in the past. Made me over think and worry about things out of my control which has created anxiety and depression. Whether you know it or not, you will be making decisions to prove that belief right. Every single time I stayed at their house. Children are not without sexual thoughts or responses, but that is nothing to do with anything as they are innocent. Have you talked to your counsellor about one day talking about this with your brother? Notably, California law regarding sexual battery excludes rape; it is treated as a separate crime. Hi, so does sound like youve spoken to someone then, but we hope that it wasnt a case of just putting you on medication without support. my temper has been out of control, ive had random outbursts crying my heart out in the middle of day, tried to kill myself several times in middle school. I cant enjoy being with my husband. Emotional abuse is a form of control that makes uses emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate another person. It doesnt mean you dont love your mom to feel your childhood has left you struggling. And I dont really care about being in his life TBH, even though I feel guilty about it sometimes because like I said he was the father I didnt have. To this day being 21, I still think all the time, how the hell did my mom know. I feel very uncomfortable approaching her about it. When I was 9 I discovered masturbation (I felt bad like I was too young to do that and there was something wrong in me) My half sister was 14 at the time and I cant remember why but I ended up talking to her about it and then the confusion starts. that is what they are there for. Maybe this has drove me mad knowing i wont be able to stop it from happening to others even if i open up about it. Any noise makes me jump. These sorts of things are hard to work through alone. And try to find a healthy way to vent your anger so that is doesnt push away those you love, as you need their support now, not to push them away. We hope that helps. I m obsessing over the fact that something terrible might have happened to me that i am not even aware of. Hi David, we are sorry to hear that happened to you. The same thing happened when I tried to express concerns about treatment; I was assured that therapy could be difficult but I needed to work through it to get better. Wed also refer you to our line of free helplines in the UK here http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines. As you can see its created a pattern in your life where you feel diminished and unworthy and then choose relationships that prove that. and i paused. I feel physically ill just thinking about him or sex. There is an extremely high chance you suffered trauma or traumas to be at this point at the young age of 19. I remember falling asleep on the bed in the guest rom and waking up on the couch in the middle of the night, having no idea when I got there. I questioned him and he couldnt explain why and I question that a lot as well. They gesture aggressively near your face. I was stuck in a uncomfortable position and my heart was beating soooo fast. Love to you all from me. And finally just to say, growing up can be really hard, especially if you dont feel safe and taken care of. I believe if i begin to record these boughts of intense fear i may be able to find a pattern and with that pattern i can start focusing on memories of my childhood. I have had a really high sex drive since i was about 13, I have depression, anxiety disorder and suicidal ideations, and i am recovering from an eating disorder. Yeah, well I guess thats it. I was researching this topic and came upon this thread after so many years. Hi Liz, unfortunately we can never know a lot of the time unless we find a time machine. It seems there was a traumatic experience with your cousin (which alone would be enough to cause other symptoms and for your brain to register a trauma). Recently I saw this sort of viral video in which a boy has his arms tied to a pole and in a horrible joke or prank his pants are taken off and his private parts are left exposed and hes crying. HI Im Carina and I was abused when I was a child the time past and Im married with two kids. When I did remember this about my dad it was such a small memory with so little detail and I felt that it didnt distress me and I didnt feel mad at him about it, which I thought was a good thing and thats how it should stay so I just put it out of my mind. We get caught up in cycles of self hatred. We really hope so. If you are young, there might be a school counsellor you can talk to. Many survivors of abuse have no idea they were abused. Its just that its still sadly not talked about enough. I also remember having a very high sex drive, before then, and after then. A good therapist can help you work through it, and you might find over time memories arise and you get more clarity. Sometimes it can be a great relief to talk to a counsellor who is impartial, where we can say anything without repercussion. Hi Arman, we are sorry to hear about this. We wish you courage. Permission to say you were abused? In high school years my friends were never friendly and I didnt know why. Hi Lena, its actually really common to blame ourselves and think we wanted it. So why are you telling yourself such things in your head? Hi Sonia, you know that you have self esteem issues and you mention self-harm. I have fantasies about rape/child sexual abuse and I think thats so sick but they wont stop. We wish you luck! I also just want my other memories of just being a kid and the relationship me and my brother had cuz we not really that close. Being sexually abused as a child or adolescent can lead to physical symptoms such as: The trauma of sexual abuse leads to many other psychological issues. All of these memories are really confusing because I dont remember it well and I had a relatively normal childhood. I remember taking money from her purse to get some and she threatened to report me to the police. Not harm them. Like I said though, Im just numb. As this experience is going to bring all your rage to the surface and also your vulnerability, which is why its usually advisable to work on your emotions and have support first, so you are in a stable place before a legal process which is difficult as it is. Sexual Abuse Quiz 1 Flashcards | Quizlet Is it a possibility something happened that night I dont remember?
